The Stories We Tell Ourselves: It’s Time to Change the Narrative

Whenever I’m struggling or in pain, usually after a conflict or a relationship ending, I recenter by listening to or rereading some of my favorite videos or books.

Jim Carrey’s graduation speech to the Maharishi University is one of those—choosing love over fear.

As is Tony Robbins’ “I’m Not Your Guru,” which has moved me to tears on more than one occasion—a reminder that authenticity and chasing dreams are paramount.

“Being Peace,” a book by Thich Nhat Hanh helps me remember that I want to “go lightly” in all things.

”The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz is also amazing for helping me understand almost nothing is really about us.

All of these have similar themes of authenticity, and living from a place of love and not fear or ego (which are basically the same thing—feeling “good enough”).

But my very favorite book is probably “Being of Power,” by Baron Baptiste. My friend, Dan had recommended it after reading it, AND studying yoga with Baron.

The book outlines a series of steps on being authentic, living your best life, and finding courage to do brave things. It initially reminded me a bit of Stephen Covey’s “7 Habits,” but few books have made me cry every time I read them, around the same chapter—this is truly powerful!

The book makes us ask ourselves hard questions around our identity and “the lies we’ve told ourselves” that hold us back.

We all have that inner critic. We’ve all told ourselves those lies. Sometimes the voices we hear aren’t even ours—they are parents, grandparents, peers, or other people from over the years, telling us we can’t. Sometimes it’s well-meaning (risks can involve failure and pain; you might get “hurt”). And sometimes it’s more sinister (borne out of contempt or jealousy).

I recently found some notes I had made from the last time I read “Being of Power,” and wanted to share. It’s not just straight reading—the book challenges you to really “take off the mask” and question why we do what we do.

There are exercises where you are asked to write things down and reflect. And continue working on this, because change is a process and continuing to grow is a practice!

It discusses how our choices in life, the hard ones, the ones worthwhile, need to be a “hell yes!”. And if it’s not, it’s a resounding “no.”

It’s a highly personal experience, reading it, doing the exercises, coming to terms with “the lies” I’ve told myself over the years. And because it feels hard, and makes me feel vulnerable, I know I need to share.

(From my notes, a few years ago):

“I’m giving up the lies that I have to be”:

~Beautiful to feel worthy ~Fit to feel worthy ~Funny to feel worthy ~Entertaining to feel worthy ~That I have to “add value” to take up space

And, I’m replacing it with: ~You, on your worst day are still enough: ~Your essence ~Your love ~Your light ~Your generosity ~Your caring ~Your dedication ~Your mind

I’m giving up the lie that “surface” is anything more than the initial “hook.”

Questions to ask (myself): ~If I want to use surface, how can I create a space where I am more natural and still comfortable and confident? ~If the right people stay (and this is an assumption that I hold true), then is surface creating a veil that invites wrongness?

(End of notes)

Getting to that place of self-acceptance might be the hardest work we ever do in our lives. I doubt my “lies” are all that unique, for most of our struggles as human are related to 1. Self-worth issues 2. Abandonment fears (which tie back into #1).

And for most people, self-acceptance is the greatest “f you” to everyone, everywhere. Yet, it might be the hardest thing to ever “attain” in our lives.

Capitalism is literally built on self-doubt. The need to have more, be more, is all-consuming. It’s hard to break free of that when it’s everywhere we look.

But, what if for today we just decided we’d had enough of all of that?

What if self-improvement AND self-acceptance were LITERALLY the same thing and there was NOTHING to fix?

It’s definitely worth the effort.

I’m not there yet. I do the work constantly, but, as a woman, and for me personally, there are still so many ways I am “rewarded” for how I look.

So instead of perpetually beating myself up, I’ve just decided to use my “platform” for the most good possible—as an influencer of the changes I most want to see in the world.

I’m still working on giving up those lies. Ironically, if I live long enough, aging takes most of that away anyway. I’m kinda looking forward to that day—no masks, just essence. And if your ball lands in my yard, I’m keeping it—I can’t even imagine the things crotchety old lady me will say then.

Until then:

Delve deeply, Make the meaning, Choose love over fear, AND Love tf out of yourself,

It’s definitely a hell yes!

Laurie